Okay, this is one of the things I’ve been thinking about for quite some time now — several months, in fact. I’ve wanted to write about it, but I just hadn’t had a complete grip on it. I think I have a pretty good understanding now of what I’m wanting to convey, so here goes.
Throughout the past four or six months, I have come into contact with many old friends — lots of people that I hadn’t seen for years. A lot of these were people that I knew back in school a good nine or 10 years ago, or people that were neighbors of ours way back when. Needless to say, these 19-, 20- and 21-year-olds are a lot different now than I remember them being as pre-teens.
One thing that has struck me is I see how many of them have become cynical, hardened, or worldly. I think back to a decade ago, when we were all little kids in fifth and sixth grade, and I’ve got to wonder, “What happened?” How does somebody go from being an innocent 11-year-old to becoming someone who is reckless or rampant, pursuing their desires and whims? Or to even go to a lesser extreme, how does somebody go from that childlike state to becoming deadened and lethargic? Does this just happen overnight?
I’ve got to think that, for the most part, it’s a gradual process. And if you think about the way the culture is, you might even say it’s a natural process. The more days we live, the more we’re going to learn, the more times we’re going to get burned, feel broken-hearted, disappointed, rejected, and it’s hard to not become cynical and overprotective, building walls around your heart so as to never let yourself be vulnerable to another potential heartbreak.
For the record, I think it’s entirely possible to grow and gain wisdom with age but not hang on to cynicism or bitterness. I don’t know that it’s easy, but I believe it’s doable. We need to realize that people are prone to failure, to letting us down, to disappointing us. If we allow ourselves to let these different letdowns accumulate, we’re going to end up with an ever-expanding list of wrongs done to us and things to be cynical about.
Another reason — and, honestly, I think this is the main cause of the drastic change in people — is high school. Think about it — for a kid, high school couldn’t come at a much worse time. You’re growing, changing, and can feel very uncomfortable in your own skin. At the same time, you have a lot of emotions and feelings, and you very much want to feel like you belong. Unless you are very firmly rooted in your morals and convictions, it can be extremely difficult to hold fast and to stand your ground instead of going along with whatever the cool thing happens to be at the moment.
All throughout high school, you have all of these kids with raging emotions and feelings, all kind of eager to start living now that they’re growing up, now that they can drive, and it’s just a recipe for disaster. Add into the mix that the only authority figures during the school day are teachers, and you’ve got potential for a lot of trouble. You have a lot of influence, a lot of peer pressure coming from all different angles, and you have no parents there to keep you in check.
Now, don’t get me wrong. Many people have gone through high school and have made it through on the other side without being scarred, deadened, hardened, or cynical. I’m just saying that, as a whole, I think it’s dangerous, especially if the kid doesn’t have much support at home. If your parents aren’t very involved in your life, if they don’t keep you accountable for your attitude or your actions, then that’s a really dangerous spot.
One really tough thing about growing up is you tend to think you’re a lot smarter or wiser than you are. I can remember back when I was 16 and 17, just how grown-up I thought I was. Looking back, I can see how ignorant I was to certain things, or how my grasp on reality was simply way off in regards to different things.
Kids need parents to stay on top of them, to keep them from making stupid decisions. In high school, the stakes are so high. Kids might want to experiment with sex, drugs, drinking, parties — whatever — and the consequences can be so severe for one foolish choice.
I’m not exactly sure where I’m going with this. I’m just kind of lamenting the fact that I can look around at different people who have, somehow, some way, turned from God and are living a life to pursue their own desires. It’s really sad to see someone transform from a little doe-eyed kid playing kickball or dodgeball to somebody who is wise to the world, whose heart has been hardened or protected by past hurts or wrongs done to them.
Anyway, the reason it’s taking up so much RAM is because Firefox has a problem with releasing memory when tabs are closed. Even though I just closed a bunch of tabs (I may have had 15 or 20 open recently), Firefox has trouble freeing up the memory and letting it be used by Windows — that is, until I actually close Firefox altogether and reopen it. Once I do that, it will be back to it’s quick, snappy self. 